OMG Lolz, The Ten Best Xbox One Quotes

It began with a whisper, a rumour that the Xbox One may have an ‘always on’ requirement.

Developers dropped hints, executives forgot their PR briefings and that whisper became a roar of DRM rumours. Then the Xbox One was officially revealed and that roar became a banshee scream of disgruntlement. The Microsoft PR nightmare had begun.

Almost every day someone said or did something to add fuel to the fire and by the the beginning of this week the nightmare had become a comedy – what outrageous statement would Microsoft and chums make today?

Last night’s spectacular U turn means the show is coming to end and a thousand games writers can begin the expensive procedure of reconstructive surgery, their features having been mangled by constant face-palming and head-desking.

However, before we assign the last couple of weeks to the big file marked “WTF were you thinking?” let’s have one last chuckle at the utter, glorious mess that was the Xbox One launch.

  1. “I mean we’re really not going to change anything we’ve done with Xbox One.” – Major Nelson aka Larry Hryb, 96 hours before changing everything.
  2. “I’d bet Sony has some similar stuff up their sleeves they’re just playing on the internet outrage for free PR. You’re all being played!” – Cliffy B is angling for Michael Pachter’s job.
  3. “Thank you again for your candid feedback.” – The Microsoft Blog appreciates your swearing.
  4. “We’re over-delivering value against other choices I think consumers can get.” – Don Mattrick explains why you should buy an Xbox One, no one understands him.
  5. “We’re also confident that gamers are going to love our vision of the future.” – Major Nelson again, slightly less confident now.
  6. “Sorry for the confusion, that was in regards to Xbox 360.” – Xbox Support Twitter account despite being asked specifically about Xbox One XBL bans.
  7. “Fortunately we have a product for people who aren’t able to get some form of connectivity, it’s called Xbox 360.”- Don Mattrick really knows how to sell his new console.
  8. “Some games not transferable and have no resale value; restrictions on games usage apply.” – The Xbox One Terms Of Service.
  9. “#dealwithit” – Adam Orth, Ex-Creative Director at Microsoft Studios.
  10. “This is how you share games on PS4.” –  Shuhei Yoshida’s mega troll “Official PlayStation Used Game Instructional Video” which has had over 13 million views.

Sadly for me the abrupt U turn means I cannot rely on Microsoft for comedy postings and I will have to start writing funny stuff again. Perhaps I can get some help, anyone got Don Mattrick’s phone number? He’s probably looking for a new job…

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96 Comments

  1. Brilliant! But I doubt we heard the last stupid quote from team Microsoft, they really do seem to think that they are a law unto themselves!

  2. I think this is my favourite, Larry Hryb telling Angry Joe that it isn’t “simple” to disable the always online feature. He’s such an arrogant dick, “are you a developer?!” making it out as if it’s impossible to disable it.

    http://youtu.be/6RtSGFryKwo?t=11m34s

  3. Nice one Tuffcub ! Great read. Xbox LOLz.

  4. makes this look like a total fan boy site posting junk like this

    • agreed.

      • I’ve always found this site unbiased & continue to do so. There are dedicated Xbox sites out there, or ones that lean more towards Xbox coverage. (when sony had the big hack, it wasn’t glossed over here.)

      • That may have came out wrong. This is one of the few sites, you can get unbiased articles, for both camps & one of the few sites where fanboyism is frowned upon. TC was merely reiterating, official quotes.

      • Just to clarify. When i said, ” there are dedicated Xbox sites out there, or ones that lean more towards Xbox.” I should of added to the sentence, where you’ll read, glossed over & fanboyish articles.

      • Says the guy with a Forza avatar…..

      • @Stage1 – Yes, I am very much looking forward to Forza. Doesn’t make me biased. Both consoles look great and have promising looking titles/features.
        I considered both consoles when deciding what to do next-gen and ultimately picked the X1 in the end as I feel it offers better games, plus I will be able to game with my friends on that platform.

      • Two points about your comments.
        1. deadwelsh, this article was clearly written in humour and was poking fun at the people responsible for making stupid comments, not the console or company itself. Eldave0, from what I’ve seen so far you’re one of the biggest Xbox fans on this site, which makes these two comments look more fan boyish than anything in the article.
        2. Whilst this site has, at least in recent memory, always stayed mostly unbiased (and despite my join date, I’ve visited this site since ’09) you do realise it is called “The Sixth Axis” right? As in, the name of the PS3 controller?
        Whilst you are both free to an opinion, you shouln’t have to display it as insultingly as you did.

    • Junk? You mean the actual quotes of high ranking Microsoft employees?

      • Godammit! You beat me to it! lol

      • MS should have had a coherent message, they didnt and now they look like idiots to the industry.

        Now they have retracted on their ideas to bend to consumer demand, as most businesses would (I seem to remember Sony being praised not long ago for ‘listening to the fans’).

        I just think TSA should have stuck to the new details, what it means for consumers, interested parties, as opposed to looking for hits posting top 10 garbage.

        If people said they were refusing to pay for MP on PS4 and Sony did a U-turn, would we get a similar list of all the previous quotes from Sony? I highly doubt it.

        All that said you make vaild points about the majority of the comments on the list. Pre order figures for the xbox even before the U-turn were placed at 9-10 million in 1st year, it will only be higher following this – shrewd moves from MS IMO.

        The whole DRM debacle is just detracting from the issues more important for me, having an always on camera listening to my house, and that its a games machine doing media, not media doing games…

        Sorry for the long reply, i didnt think i would have to explain myself lol.

      • Credit given to TSA. When Sony/PSN was hacked they reported that, warts and all. Jokes were passed around (although not nearly as funny as the animated GIFs I’ve seen recently) but it took the rough with the smooth.

        If, as time goes by, TSA and TSA members are seen as part of the “will not let it go” brigade then I could understand. However, until that moments happens, all of the industry will have to tolerate a bit more jibing for now.

    • Depends which way you look at it as that so called ‘Junk’ was Microsoft’s own comments.

    • Agreed. Where’s the follow up story on how many ps3’s were bricked yesterday?

      • If Sony made 10 absurd quotes relating to the brick fiasco I’m sure Tuffcub would post it.

      • If there is any further developments on that then they will be posted. At the moment there is nothing to add. Some people got bricked PS3s – we covered that. Sony are looking in to it – we covered that. Thats it, nothing further to add at the moment.

    • It’s just a bit of fun. If Sony had made the same cock ups then I would have done the same.

      • thats fair enough, i just thought it was in poor taste and not in keeping with the usual content on the site.

        A good thing about being a grown up is that we can agree to disagree :)

      • It’s childish and very stupid, that’s what I’m meant to do at TSA.
        At least I think that’s my job, it’s what Alex shouts at me all the time.

  5. Great Top 10 but I’m a little disappointed you never managed to mention Microsoft’s secret selling point… Juan :)

  6. The irony of #1 is just delicious.
    Very fun read. For a second I felt as if it was already Friday. :P

  7. My favourite has to be #dealwithit as it looks as though MS have had to #dealwithit

    • And now Adam Orth has to #dealwith(it) being unemployed.

  8. I’m still LOLZing at the part where TuffCub said “I will have to start writing funny stuff AGAIN.”

    • Wait. Hang on. This is an insult isn’t it? How very dare you!

      • Just remember not to lend Tuffcub your game discs….he scratched ‘Tuffy woz ere’ on my copy of Manga Midgit Bikers from Hell! lol

  9. Don Mattrick’s phone number is 1-800-TVTVTVTV

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