How To Fix Home

Home is broken.  Even the most crazed PS3 fanboy can’t fail to see that there’s still lots of work to be done to get this thing out of the dreaded Beta stage that it’s currently languishing in.  But fear not Sony, throw away those dry-wipe markers and oversized flipcharts, sack all your ‘idea men’ and stop trying to host Home on £10/month shared servers – we have the answers.

1. Reboot the server. Seriously.  Whenever TSA goes down, simply restart Apache and you’re good to go.  This will solve all your sign in problems and will even make a nice noise when you press the power button.

2. Make more things free. Seriously.  People don’t like paying for crap, and t-shirts, lampshades and chairs are crap.  The summerhouse I can dig, that’s fine, but the tiny little things that were free to your Beta testers (that worked, huh?) should be free to everyone else too.


3. Sort out the Clubhouses. Seriously.  £4 is too much, and at least have the courtesy to let us know how much we’re supposed to be paying each month once you have the nerve to charge us for it.  And 32 is too small a number – if it’s a graphical issue, just limit it to 32 people in the Clubhouse at once.

4. Give us stuff to do. Seriously.  Having to download a Japanese Beta of bloody Pac-man because there’s nothing else to do sucks – get rid of bowling, it was never fun, and get working on that Red Bull thing that at least sounded fun.

5. Sack the dancing. Seriously.  Every time I see someone ‘dancing’ I want to reach inside the TV and rip their heart out before stamping on it.  It’s absolutely ridiculous, and if your Ts and Cs recommend a certain age group for Home members, why bother with things only 3 year olds would find interesting?

6. Let us fight. Seriously.  We have Homes, so let us get drunk in a virtual bar, get into a virtual fight and then wake up in a virtual gutter before staggering home.  Think GTA IV, although we don’t need the guns.

7. Give us guns. Seriously.  Then we can reduce the number of people ‘dancing’.

8. Stop the streaming adverts. Seriously.  Every single one of us is well aware that Motorstorm Pacific Rift is out – the last thing I want to see is the same looped bit of footage over and over again when I’m trying to out run the ‘dancers’.  And Pendulum?  Ugh.

9. Fix the theatre. Seriously.  It’s rubbish.  Give us real films to watch, and we’ll happily pay real money.  It’s Christmas, if Channel 4 can show Elf then surely you’ve got enough in your catalog to offer something festive this month.  Oh, and why can’t we look around in there?  Are there people on the back row?  Dancing?

10. Give us what you promised, or at least a roadmap. Seriously.  Where’s the photo sharing?  Where’s the game launching (for more than just Warhawk)?  Let us know when we’re getting them, so we can at least have something to look forward to.  Home has loads of potential, but right now it’s rubbish.

We’ll happily take 10% of all lampshade profits.  Cheers.

Love and hugs.