Raen and I are seemingly on the same wavelength at present, which is why we are bringing you a new weekly feature called: ‘What If?’ As you can probably deduce from the title, we are basically going to re-write history to see what could have happened if certain events hadn’t come to fruition. Before you ask, no we don’t have a Delorean. Our budget couldn’t stretch to it. Instead, we have fashioned a time machine from a microwave, wire coat hanger, 3 rolls of tin foil, 4 energy saving light bulbs and 7 packs of Oreo. The Oreos are for me and Raen. We get peckish.
What if the Sega Dreamcast had survived?
Seeing as today marks the 10th anniversary of the Sega Dreamcast, we asked ourselves the aforementioned question. We switched on the microwave, tuned in the coat hanger and flapped the tin foil around in a dramatic fashion. Bing!
It was way back in 1998 when the Dreamcast launched in its native country of Japan. A year later, the World got their grubby mitts on Sega’s matt grey console. But what a console it was. In fact it became a record selling console with Sega selling well over a quarter of a million units in America alone, in just 4 days. It was pre PS2 and pre Xbox, undoubtedly ahead of its time. It was the first ever console to incorporate online gaming with its inbuilt modem and internet capability. In short, it was the shiz.
Now, it’s at this point that Raen and I intervened with the space time continuum. Unintentionally I hasten to add. Raen dropped an Oreo at the PS2 launch conference and its delicious goodness distracted the president of Sony causing him to forget all about his company’s second generation of Playstation. Sega took this opportunity to steal Sony’s ’10 Year Plan’ and implement it into their own brand. The PS2 eventually launched in March 2000 but major problems had occurred in manufacturing due to certain sections of its schematics having been smudged by the creamy center of a certain cookie. Despite this however, the uptake of the PS2 was astounding. It was at this point that Sega unveiled the Slim Dreamcast. It was 40% lighter, 29% Quieter, and 78% Smaller. The world went nuts for the new hardware and Sony began to see interest in their PS2 dwindle.
At the time, Microsoft, who were already supplying Sega with the software for the Dreamcast, contemplated making their own console. This, however, never happened. The designs that were pitched to Bill Gates were, in no way, user-friendly, stylish or functional. So, MS decided to settle for the revenue they were already recieveing from each Dreamcast and exited the console war.
Shortly after MS’s decision to abandon all hope, Sony announced that they too were withdrawing from the console market. The Dreamcast was too popular, too sexy and far too advanced for anyone to even attempt to compete. Nintendo, however were determined to compete. Foolish, foolish Nintendo. Despite the nostalgia that was always associated with Nintendo, the company drove itself into the ground trying to topple Sega, giving rise to Sega purchasing Nintendo.
5 years later and Sega unveiled 2 new consoles. The first was a family-aimed, light-weight console called ‘Sega Sii’. With its revolutionary motion controllers, the Sii became an overnight success. But Sega also unveiled ‘Sega Sonic’. Named after one of, if not the, most iconic gaming character in history, The ‘Sonic’ was their next step in the console world. The Next Generation. Boasting graphics never before seen, the ‘Sonic’ appealed to the more serious gamer and gave an unparalleled level of realism and entertainment. But it was more than a console. It was an entertainment system. ‘IT ONLY REPLACES GOD’ was their new slogan, and it was the truth. The new eco-friendly chips that were inside the Sonic meant that global energy consumption had reduced by half, the Ice Caps stopped melting and 14 species of animals that were on the brink of extinction, had a sudden burst of procreation. Sega saved the world.
As a result, every employee received a Nobel Peace Prize, and due to Sega employing over 3 Billion people, the world economy relinquished money in favour of a peaceful, work for improvement scheme. This in turn led to World Peace and Sega became a religion. Needless to say, Raen and I wanted to stay in 2021 but we feared that we were being missed in 2009. We weren’t subsequently but our microwave won’t be charged until next week.