News Snatch: Elite Dangerous, Gorn, And E-Pleasure Teledildonics

That's got to be a high scoring word in Scrabble

It’s official, after a very long wait Elite Dangerous is now available on the PlayStation 4. I loved the orginal Elite, and indeed Frontier that followed it, but Dangerous has taken such a long time to get to PlayStation it’s nowhere near the top of my list anymore. It will be interesting to see how it does in the chart next week.


Front Defense, a new WWII arcade-style shooter game is coming exclusively to Vive’s room-scale VR. It’s available now for $19.99, or as part of the Viveport subscription.


Police Simulator 18 – which is a thing, honestly – will let the player will slip into the role of US police officer and discover the “interesting challenges and varied tasks” that lie waiting for him in the streets of the sprawling US city of Loston Bay. The game includes a two player co-op feature and will by released by the end of the year.



The developers of Broforce and Genital Jousting have released a trailer for their next game, a VR hack ’em up called Gorn. “The Devolver Digital VR Division spent over a half million dollars to research what consumers wanted in a next generation virtual reality experience and the results were unanimous – they want to rip off someone’s arm and then beat that someone to death with said arm,” said Devolver Digital CFO Fork Parker.



If you ever thought Sonic’s sneakers were a bit natty then good news, you can now buy them.



Some clever chap has made the first level of Super Mario Bros for Microsoft’s HoloLens.


Real time strategy title Korix which is out on PlayStation VR has been given an update with four new skirmish levels and five new multiplayer levels. Huzzah!



The Tenth Line is an indie RPG featuring a colorful cast of characters, unique battle and level-up systems, quick 2D platforming action, and an original, fantastical story about friendship, faith, and finding your place in the world. And yes, I have copied that directly from YouTube as I have never heard of this game before.


Wolfenstein, Dishonored and The Evil Within are all getting comic adaptions courtesy of Titan Comics. The Wolfenstein comic will be prequel to upcoming sequel, the Dishonored comic will tie in with some upcoming DLC for the game, whilst The Evil Within title will be set between the first and second games.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZ2-wnvZk3U
Somehow we missed this during E3, it’s Crytek’s Hunt: Showdown, a rebranding of Hunt: Horrors of the Gilded Age which was announced two years ago.


And Finally, the bit you’ve been waiting for after reading today’s News Snatch headline. We’ve been keeping an eye on what gets searched for on TSA and you little smutmongers have been doing me proud as one of the most viewed pages is a News Snatch from four months ago that featured Metal Gear Solid porn. In fact an awful lot of people come here looking for filth (although we’re not quite sure why) and as Pornhub have been in touch to tell us about their latest features I thought I would pass on their message as clearly that’s what you are really interested in.

Pornhub is very proud to tell us that it is launching a brand new interactive category that is optimised for teledildonics and wireless interactive sex toys. They are a sort of video game, right? You need to buy a peripheral to experience the, um, rumble.

Anyway, each video in the new category is overlaid with synchronised pulses that mimic tactile sensations from various body parts which then get transmitted to your favourite electronic pleasure device.

For example, if fellatio is being given during a scene, a sensation will be generated and instantly transmitted to a user’s wireless interactive sex toy, providing them with e-pleasure courtesy of their favorite pornstar, matching up with the action playing out on screen.

Technology, eh? In related news, Valve have developed a finger sensing tracker. Just wait till the Pornhub guys get hold of that one…

Written by
News Editor at TheSixthAxis, DJ, Producer of UK#1 album, writer of boppy dance tunes, cat daddy, porn star, gym bunny, #TeamGay, and massively inappropriate. Probs fancies your dad.

6 Comments

  1. *reads News Snatch* That sou…. wait, what!? There is……. *gets up and walks away from laptop* Because I needed a cuppa and twas not related to the article.

    A porn whatever the feck it is, is erm… no. Just a giant case of no. Just play with your own snakes.

    Does police simulator involve brutality? Yes, I am making that joke. Go ahead! I feast on your boos and boourns! But wait, a minute, wasn’t that a shitty early acess greenlight game?

    Sonic shoes? They look meh and honestly, looks like something I could get in Shoezone.

    I’m a bit surprised that the drama that is going on with Alex Mauer and Lamagos(Developer of Star Mazer:DSP) wasn’t mentioned but seems to not be reported by any of the gaming media. Then again, the same happened with Digital Homicide until they flicked Valve in the eye and got knocked out by them.

    • News Snatch generally is made up of press releases we just didn’t feel the need to dedicate their own article, but yeah, the business between Alex Mauer and Imagos Softworks has seen significant developments that’s for sure. Given that there’s some legal action being taken now, it’s probably better to await an outcome to report the facts rather than speculate.

  2. You’ve reached new heights TC, combining smutty click bait and a genuinely relevant entertainment story! And you should be awarded the prize for article of the year for slipping in the word ‘teledildonics’.

    Changing topic slightly, what did you think of Transformers 5?

    • You don’t just “slip in” teledildonics. Need to be in the right mood, for one thing. :P

      • Presumably everyone can be persuaded to get into the right mood to slip in teledildonics, as long as it’s by the right person? Seems to me TC was the man for the job, he slipped it in good and hard and you let him ;)
        Right, enough muck, Love Island is on.

  3. The hololens Mario is interesting, it looks like the cgi is no longer confined to a panel in the centre of the screen?

    Teledildonics – oh boy TC, you’ve outdone yourself this time! :)

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