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Ten Things To Do While The PSN Is Down
126
Beat Skynet another way.
Published: 15:00, 22/04/2011 by Peter [Colossalblue].
28The PlayStation Network is down and there’s no exact timeframe for its return. This is obviously very frustrating for anyone who has picked up one of the big releases this weekend, especially as it’s a long weekend in the UK and many of you have time off from school or work.
We don’t want you to wallow though, we want you to adapt. Here’s a tongue-in-cheek list of ten things you could do while waiting for those Sony engineers to earn their salaries and get you back in the deathmatch.
- Go outside. I know. Normally I’d be the last person to recommend this. I mean, outside is where there are people who aren’t on your Deathmatch team. You’ll probably have to interact with people who can hear you even when your headset is set to mute. There is sunlight though, so that’s a bonus. You get vitamin D from sunlight and that’s the one that helps to regulate neuromuscular functions. That means that sunlight actually helps your brain send faster messages to your trigger finger.
- Get yourself on over to the PS Blog and leave as many comments as you’ve got time for on there. Make them as passive-aggressive as possible so that everyone on the internet can see how smart and funny you are. Those nasty PlayStation Blog employees should feel your wrath for the egregious occurrence of some unidentified problem with no confirmed cause.
- Make some cakes. In celebration of Portal 2’s release weekend and GLaDOS’ famous fib about cake you could enjoy some spongy goodness. That’s right, prove the psychotic bitch wrong. Make your cake a reality.
- Play on another machine. I realise that not everyone will have the ability to do this so if you’re a single console kinda guy and you don’t own a mobile phone made after 1997 then just skip ahead (but do let me know how the hell you’re reading this). Almost everything has games on it now, even if there are no single player games that don’t require network connection on your PS3, you could still find an electronic distraction somewhere else. I’ll be playing Football Manager Handheld on the iPad.
- Go to TheSixthAxis’ forums and either: a) piss and moan about the PSN being down or b) start a thread about something funny and watch everyone else throw even more funny at you.
- Make sure every single follower you have on Twitter (or friend you have on Facebook) knows how annoying it is that you can’t connect to the network services on your games console. They should really feel your pain. If your tweet/status update only contains one exclamation mark then you’re not trying hard enough.
- Play on Xbox Live, it’s working fine.
- Read some of the latest content on TheSixthAxis, it’s probably awesome and funny and there’s plenty to keep you entertained. Go ahead and comment on our stories and articles too, we like it when you do that. Only don’t be too harsh on me for number 7, it was only a cheeky little joke, you know!
- Read a book. If you really have to, there are even books about games and their surrounding fiction. Seriously, books are great. They don’t have very good graphics and the sound design is non-existent but they usually have a really good narrative and most are longer than the average FPS.
- Found your own technology company and plot the creation of your own games console with its own online service that isn’t down for repairs at the most inconvenient times. This is probably not something you can get done in a day or two while the PSN is down but you could make a start and just add to your plans every time there’s scheduled maintenance. I predict that by 2014 you’ll have a complete business plan and prototypes to show at E3. There will be banks falling over themselves to lend you the cash you need to get that first factory built.
All joking aside, what are you doing with your time while the PSN is down? It’s nice weather for most of the UK, has anyone got the BBQ going yet?
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22/04/2011 at 15:04
Member since: Jun 2010
I WENT OUTSIDE! Unheard of! :oD
22/04/2011 at 15:17
Member since: May 2009
I know same, I think I may have sunburn :/
22/04/2011 at 15:27
Member since: May 2010
but, theres ‘fresh’ air out there and light that comes from the sky!!!! I dont think I can do it……
22/04/2011 at 18:19
Member since: Sep 2008
Don’t do it! It’s like turning the brightness on your TV to max, now my eyes hurt.
22/04/2011 at 23:10
Member since: Feb 2009
I went outside once, graphics were great but the gameplay sucked.
23/04/2011 at 00:48
Member since: Aug 2009
Yeah same, it was ok but it was all black & white well not really it was just poor colour choice
22/04/2011 at 15:05
Member since: Apr 2010
11. Masturbate a lot.
12. Fire up BBQ and get drunk.
22/04/2011 at 15:28
Member since: May 2010
13. Finish up Bioshock and Fallout NV and any other single player mode games I have that I still need trophys for.
25/04/2011 at 06:15
Member since: Feb 2011
Yea, i want to replay Bioshock but hard to get games out here in China.. so i’m finishing up DA2
22/04/2011 at 15:30
Member since: Sep 2010
I wouldn’t want to go to one of your BBQ’s
22/04/2011 at 15:35
Member since: Apr 2010
Good you’re not invited ;P
Hmmm Fallout Vegas sounds a good choice! I got a good 20+ games I should really polish off! Seeing as I can’t get onto killzone,
22/04/2011 at 16:13
Member since: Sep 2010
Brings a whole new meaning to sticky ribs.
22/04/2011 at 16:18
Member since: Feb 2009
and now that frankie boyle tag makes sense. :)
22/04/2011 at 16:16
Member since: Feb 2009
firstly, eeewwwwwww.
secondly, in that order? hope you washed your hands after.
22/04/2011 at 16:48
Member since: Sep 2010
I could have said something about fattyuk “polishing off”. Shit I just said it.
22/04/2011 at 17:18
Member since: Apr 2010
All fun and games!
22/04/2011 at 17:36
Member since: Feb 2009
all fun and games fattyuk, but still eeewww. ^_^
22/04/2011 at 17:42
Member since: Apr 2010
Don’t worry I do wash my hands.
23/04/2011 at 09:23
Member since: Dec 2008
Can’t stand BBQ’s, the food is tasteless and has the texture of Wood! Can’t get drunk, I gave up alcohol last year….also it is bad for you in the Summer heat it’ll dehydrate you quicker than next doors randy dog can mount your leg when the neighbours pop round for a Wooden Sausage.
Oh! and be careful with option 11 as a combination of all 3 activities could see you you visiting A&E in your Easter Bonnet. :P
23/04/2011 at 12:09
Member since: Apr 2010
I’m more worried about the large of amount of narcotics that get necked during the summer than alcohol dehydrating me!
also dunno what bbqs you go to mate that taste like that lol.
23/04/2011 at 16:13
Member since: Dec 2008
I’ve been to a few and hosted a few, and guests seem to enjoy the food but I just find it tasteless and overcooked…although a few bevvies down peoples necks can cloud their culinary judgement making a rasher of Spam seem like the finest Fillet of Beef Steak….not that I’ve tried cooking Spam on the old campfire mind you.
22/04/2011 at 15:05
Member since: Oct 2008
I went to the shops but that was only really procrastination from this dissertation I’m doing. The longer the PSN is down the better…
22/04/2011 at 15:08
Member since: Oct 2008
I’m playing games on my Playstation 3, strangely.
22/04/2011 at 15:08
Member since: Aug 2009
I cooked, just for myself though. Don’t want to be liable for food poisoning anyone.
22/04/2011 at 15:09
Member since: Oct 2008
I’m speaking, like, to actual people……family too ! :O
22/04/2011 at 15:13
Member since: May 2009
You missed a fairly obvious one:
- Revisit the pile of shame and finish off some of the fantastic SinglePlayer games you shamefully gave up on half way through when something new and shiny came along.
22/04/2011 at 15:18
Member since: Jun 2010
I did that yesterday. ME2. The shame, I know, the shame…
22/04/2011 at 15:41
Member since: May 2009
Ha, I’ve got tons. Dead Space 1, Enslaved, barely even /started/ FF13, PJS2. Then heading over to PCs, I’ve got about 20x that… :S
22/04/2011 at 15:14
Member since: Dec 2009
13. Resign from your job.
At least, that’s what I did.
=)
22/04/2011 at 15:17
Member since: Jun 2010
Nah, you just did that on impulse to go drink some beers outdoors.
22/04/2011 at 15:32
Member since: Jun 2010
Slight overreaction to the PSN being down :oD
22/04/2011 at 16:19
Member since: Feb 2009
yeah, unless you’re one of sony’s network engineers. ^_^
22/04/2011 at 15:55
Member since: Mar 2010
I was going to say go to work but this sounds like a great idea to avoid it.
I may just wait for redundancy though.
22/04/2011 at 17:25
Member since: Feb 2009
You wait for redundancy while I’m trying to find a job still after 2 years!!
22/04/2011 at 21:30
Member since: Mar 2010
I should be okay, if I want to work in another kitchen.
22/04/2011 at 16:17
Member since: Oct 2008
You’ll have to start buying pre-owned now ;)
22/04/2011 at 15:16
Member since: Forever
Nice article CB.
I can see how this is pissing people off, I just can’t be arsed with reading all the moaning and whining about it! (see enough of that at work)
The big winners in this down time are my kids, they get bonus dad time :)
22/04/2011 at 15:16
Member since: Mar 2010
Easter egg hunt bro!
22/04/2011 at 16:14
Member since: Feb 2009
Good man!