“GTA V To Lead On The Amiga” Says Analyst

I don’t mess around. I don’t deal with nobodies and I certainly don’t appreciate pixel counters. That said, nobody really wanted to talk to me (must be this crappy blog I write for) so the best I could do was some made up z-list analysts and – well – some pixel counters.

“I quite like the trailer,” said Malcolm MacMalcolm of Malcolm, Malcolm and Malcolm Analysts, speaking exclusively to me for TheSixthAxis. “It was almost certainly a video which looks like it was advertising a game. I mean it had moving images and everything. And people! Clearly Rockstar are geniuses of the highest order to create such a piece.”

“As for the game, it will almost certainly sell so many copies that it will alter the orbit of the moon thanks to the the extra mass.” MacMalcolm said, demonstrating his well-earned reputation for understatement. “I also love the dubstepping music they’ve used, with all that Jungle Jazz.”

Malcolm’s no bit player though. He’s got mad skills, and I respect his musical knowledge. “I reckon I can see elements of the GTA V trailer that resemble the output of an Amiga,” he said.

[drop2]I nearly spat out my Mountain Dew. “Amiga?” I asked, incredulously. “Yep,” replied MacMalcolm, “look again.”. And look again I did. It’s obvious when you know, but I can’t unsee it now: the blocky graphics, the Team 17 logo, the Zipstick slightly in shot like a cheap boom mic. It all fits.

But I didn’t stop there. I get the real shit for TheSixthAxis.

Turning to my little black book, I call up Travis Bertwistle-Thorpe Jr II, an old mate and someone with a keen eye (or two – well – one actually) for the details. He tells me that GTA V will be “out before the world ends” and that it’s clear gamers will “have to pay money” to own it.

Shocking stuff, and that’s only the bits he wanted on the record.

“I reckon there’s a 10 – 25% chance there’ll be guns in it,” he says, enlightening me and yet chilling me to the bone with his Nostradamus-esque reasoning. “Signs are looking good that characters will be able to both walk and drive in cars” I don’t press him, he’s a mate, but he seemed pretty confident in his predictions.

Me? I’ve been hanging around some pixel counters. “There’s at least a hundred,” said one such chap, wishing to remain anonymous. “And some of them have jaggies, There was even some 4x z-axis dongdangling going on at one point, it was as clear as a misty winter’s morn in the mountains of Aringahee, to the trained expert.”

Mental insights, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s all mad stuff, and I can’t wait to play it.

Got my A1200 all set up ready.

This has been Bartholomew Crumdangle, making up the news nobody else can be bothered to look for.

72 Comments

  1. has TSA just been rickrolled?

    • Speaking of rick rolls… This is by far the best http://techsmartly.net/freePS3.php
      It’s exceptionally annoying, and makes the page difficult to close, don’t go on it unless you want hours (minutes) of fun (annoyance). Don’t say I didn’t warn you though!

      • i just clicked close… :/

      • Oh? for me it moves about and then when you press close, every line of the song comes up one at a time in a box that says continue, which you have to click, and then it finally closes… Doesn’t work if you force quit or anything though, of course..

  2. This is just trying too hard to be funny :/ TSA’s witty comments in normal articles provide enough humor by themselves

    • Yea, didn’t find this funny at all.

    • It’s like TheLoneSteven has been writing.

      • Funniest 6 words on here.

      • HEY! :( If i had written it, it would be filled with bad puns and generally in jokes. ;)

    • I failed to find it amusing too.

    • I can’t remember what it’s from, but it’s a French accentuated quote that comes to mind… “What is this shit?!”.

      I dunno, sort of trying too hard to be funny, when it’s simply not…

    • +1

    • Agreed, tried way too hard.

  3. I found this amusing, It did well at stopping me write my essay, but I can’t help thinking it isn’t really what I come to TSA for…

    • Never stop essay progression by distractions, I know this from experience and it bites you in the arse when you get back to it in five minutes even! D:

      • Lol, me too. At that point, I was putting of starting, now I’m half way through, so yeah… should probably get back to it.

  4. So who is hiding behind this pseudonym.

  5. What is this I don’t even

    • Slow news day :D

      • Well it’s put a smile on my face… so I can’t knock it that much.

  6. I’m glad I’m not the only one but I find this truly cringe-worthy. It tries far too hard and as most people know there is nothing as unfunny as someone trying too hard to make jokes. Come on sixthaxis you’re better than this cliched crap.

  7. Haha a very good read IMO. Admittedly it wasn’t laugh out loud funny but it still made me smile and that’s fine by me. Its not like the site is littered with these kind of articles anyway.

  8. (Hi Steven, nice article)

    *cough* its very odd, but a bit of humouur

    • I did not write this! >:( When i do write an article for TSA, it will always be serious. (i save the insanity for the forums:p )

  9. I got a chuckle out of that. :)

  10. kk guys, you/we may find this writer unfunny or too trying but do you really have to be that nasty about it – jeez ppl start somewhere and yes may fail, but you lot are just being harsh – I pity you and challenge you to do better.

    • Nothing wrong with a bit of unconstructive critism.

      • especially if it’s true

      • you can say if you do not like something.

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