TSA Chat Transcript: Microsoft

While loading up our links to the live streams for Microsofts press conference, a group of the TSA staff gathered together in Skype text chat to discuss the conference live. Below is the transcript (about 50% of it anyway) of the chat and Names that may be harder to place have their TSA username next to them in the first message they type to help you place them. In true TSA fashion expect calls for unnecessary violence, sexual connotations and talks about Kris dancing. You know, the usual.

Please don’t read if you’re offended by bad language and terrible jokes. Thanks.

Getting Ready

[5:03:36 PM] Joshua Hood: How diddle diddle.
[5:03:47 PM] Kris Lipscombe (Halbpro): Sh
[5:03:52 PM] Kris Lipscombe: I’m only pretend here
[5:04:26 PM] Peter Chapman (Colossalblue): hello motherfuckers!
[5:04:26 PM] Greg Aldridge (Watchful): *tap tap tap* is this thing on?
[5:04:27 PM] Kris Lipscombe: So anyone wanna write it up before it’s happened?
[5:04:33 PM] Kris Lipscombe: I mean we know what’s coming
[5:04:46 PM] Gareth Chadwick (Gamoc): As I said on Twitter, there are always surprises.
[5:04:51 PM] Peter Chapman: I’m sending text messages accross the atlantic to the very room where MS are having their briefing
[5:05:00 PM] Peter Chapman: it’s the future
[5:05:05 PM] Adam Garrett (AG2297): Sent by pigeon?
[5:05:11 PM] Peter Chapman: telegram
[5:05:33 PM] Gareth Chadwick: If I disappear suddenly, it’s because I’m frying sausages, not aliens or anything like that
[5:06:50 PM] Gareth Chadwick: GAH
[5:07:09 PM] Adam Garrett: GAH? Fried the wrong sausage?
[5:07:23 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Yes, YOUR MOTHERS
[5:07:27 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Wait, that doesn’t make any sense at all.
[5:07:32 PM] Gareth Chadwick: nvm
[5:07:36 PM] Adam Garrett: Almost but not quite
[5:07:51 PM] Adam Garrett: Grandmothers and you would have been ok
[5:08:05 PM] Gareth Chadwick: I see- wait, what?
[5:08:14 PM] Adam Garrett: Soooo… Halo 4?
[5:09:04 PM] teflon6678: I don’t really see how Halo and Thor can really do a crossover…?
[5:11:11 PM] Peter Chapman: *opens 3rd can of Red Bull*
[5:12:47 PM] Peter Chapman: Fuck, I wish I wasn’t working this. I’d love to just be able to watch :)
[5:12:56 PM] Kris Lipscombe: Someone invite dan
[5:13:00 PM] Kris Lipscombe: please
[5:13:05 PM] *** Peter Chapman added Daniel Lee ***
[5:13:35 PM] Adam Garrett: I smell Dan Lee

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3

[5:31:20 PM] Echo307: Conference is starting with CoD. Just like last year…
[5:31:27 PM] Chris Clarke (CC_Star): I can see nofi from here……
[5:31:31 PM] jimbob1010 (Teabags): surprise, surprise
[5:31:32 PM] Gareth Chadwick: here we gooo here we gooo here we gooooo
[5:31:54 PM] Chris Clarke: holy fuck mw3…. *surprised face*
[5:32:02 PM] Daniel Lee: just listening out for Nofi “where the fuck is Zelda?!”

*Reconnect controller message appears on screen*

[5:32:14 PM] Gareth Chadwick: HA
[5:32:15 PM] Echo307: lmao
[5:32:17 PM] Blair Inglis: lol, controller
[5:32:17 PM] Echo307: Oops!
[5:32:25 PM] Gareth Chadwick: That happens to me too
[5:32:28 PM] Peter Chapman: My controllers do that all the time too.
[5:32:40 PM] Chris Clarke: Hopefully he has to spend 5mins climbing up the ice wall again… that was ‘great’
[5:33:12 PM] Chris Clarke: Awesome Kinect Swimming, wonder if they have a rubber boat?
[5:33:55 PM] jimbob1010: fuck me, looks boring
[5:34:04 PM] Daniel Lee: Hoping Jaws turns up
[5:34:12 PM] Joshua Hood: It “looks” much better than MW2 at least.
[5:34:13 PM] Daniel Lee: or Big Jaws
[5:36:21 PM] Chris Clarke: grfx look great to me, sure not ‘platform exclusive great’ but great all the same
[5:36:34 PM] Blair Inglis: animation looks better!
[5:37:08 PM] Echo307: I’m watchig in HD on my TV and it looks really sharp!
[5:37:19 PM] Chris Clarke: lots of nice shadowing, dynamic lighting etc… don’t recall previous CoD’s being that good in that area
[5:37:28 PM] Gareth Chadwick: more slomo, great
[5:37:30 PM] Adam Garrett: that is one big charge!
[5:37:45 PM] Echo307: Dude, there’s a scene in Black Ops that looks just like that.
[5:38:00 PM] Daniel Lee: Did he pull that charge out of his ass?
[5:38:00 PM] Peter Chapman: CoD demos are always fucking tedious bullshit aren’t they? I mean, decent games but I want to play it myself, not watch some numpty rinse through it.
[5:38:38 PM] jimbob1010: It’s lucky I have the paint-drying sim open in another tab to keep me occupied.
[5:39:09 PM] Daniel Lee: ok this looks good
[5:39:48 PM] Blair Inglis: It’s cool seeing these big buildings explode
[5:39:50 PM] jimbob1010: Motorstorm Apocalypse anyone?
[5:39:52 PM] Blair Inglis: but meh otherwise
[5:39:56 PM] Adam Garrett: I feel like I’m watching Die Hard 5
[5:40:19 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Well, that was definitely CoD gameplay
[5:40:47 PM] Daniel Lee: I’m interested
[5:40:48 PM] Adam Garrett: Too much of a movie than a game for me, that demo
[5:41:01 PM] Echo307: This guy looks nervous…
[5:41:05 PM] Adam Garrett: id like to watch it, but cant see much oppurtunity to actually “play”
[5:41:08 PM] Echo307: and hungry…
[5:41:16 PM] Joshua Hood: That looked sufficiently boring.
[5:41:18 PM] Gareth Chadwick: yeah, the actual shooting seemed off balance with the cinematic stuff

Tomb Raider



[5:43:59 PM] jimbob1010: “Hardened” Tomb Raider, hehehehehe.
[5:44:02 PM] Chris Clarke: CAN.NOT.WAIT
[5:44:16 PM] Joshua Hood: :D TOOM RAYDA
[5:44:34 PM] Gareth Chadwick: …too…many…seductive…noises…
[5:44:57 PM] Chris Clarke: please get the controls right, please get the controls right, please get the controls right, please get the controls right
[5:44:58 PM] Adam Garrett: Sounds like a womens tennis match
[5:45:01 PM] Peter Chapman: Lara Croft basically having an orgasm in my ears.
[5:45:12 PM] Echo307: This looks awesome.
[5:45:18 PM] Joshua Hood: Oh my ears.
[5:45:21 PM] jimbob1010: looks fantastic
[5:45:36 PM] Joshua Hood: IT’S JESUS
[5:45:40 PM] Daniel Lee: purdy
[5:45:44 PM] Gareth Chadwick: hmm, didn’t expect that guy. I will when I play it now, though
[5:46:25 PM] Adam Garrett: skip to the bit where we lock the butler in the freezer
[5:46:25 PM] Echo307: Some animations are a little choppy. But it is a 2012 game.
[5:46:52 PM] teflon6678: I wish she’d shut up.
[5:48:11 PM] Blair Inglis: ouch!
[5:48:16 PM] Chris Clarke: I love the puzzling aspect… hope there’s not too many waves of bad guys like Uncharted
[5:48:27 PM] Gareth Chadwick: ah, so that’s how jesus really died
[5:48:30 PM] teflon6678: I wonder what they were doing to the voice actress to elicit that squeel as she fell
[5:48:33 PM] Gareth Chadwick: don’t think he’ll be moving THAT boulder
[5:48:55 PM] Blair Inglis: UNCHARTED HANG
[5:49:03 PM] Gareth Chadwick: that’s very pretty, but looks like CGI
[5:49:07 PM] Blair Inglis: That was the hang used 5 billion times in Uncharted 2.
[5:49:13 PM] Echo307: Impressive stuff.
[5:49:21 PM] Daniel Lee: Looks bloody ace

Kinect Sports 2

[5:49:43 PM] Echo307: American football. I know you’re all interested in this.
[5:49:51 PM] jimbob1010: Oh, Peter Moore, you rougue, you.
[5:50:02 PM] Gareth Chadwick: I didn’t already have a drink I’d use this moment to get a drink
[5:50:03 PM] Chris Clarke: EA Sports? Marketing deal with Sony ran out then?
[5:50:09 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Damn MS sports timing.[5:50:35 PM] Joshua Hood: So…no actual news yet then.
[5:50:38 PM] Daniel Lee: FIFA Kinect? lolsies
[5:50:40 PM] Gareth Chadwick:nope
[5:50:50 PM] Gareth Chadwick: kinect voice control for the Sims?
[5:51:02 PM] jimbob1010: Is it just me or are people in the audience gasping XD
[5:51:08 PM] Chris Clarke: wonder if it will be an add-on mode kinda like FIFA street featuing in FIFA on the Wii
[5:51:28 PM] Echo307: Uh oh…
[5:51:32 PM] Greg Aldridge: I don’t want to use my body as the controller for sports games.  I use a normal controller exactly because I’m crap at sports.

Mass Effect 3


[6/6/2011 5:51:34 PM] Blair Inglis: Mass Effect 3!
[6/6/2011 5:51:39 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Bioware? Sci-fi universe? ME3!
[6/6/2011 5:51:44 PM] Daniel Lee: “Better with Kinect”
[6/6/2011 5:51:57 PM] Peter Chapman: If they crowbar Kinect into ME3 clumsily then I’ll hunt them with a crossbow.
[6/6/2011 5:52:31 PM] Blair Inglis: Mass Effect with Kinect?… WHYYY
[6/6/2011 5:52:33 PM] Adam Garrett: Better get that crossbow Peter
[6/6/2011 5:52:38 PM] jimbob1010: VOICE recognition?
[6/6/2011 5:52:42 PM] Daniel Lee: Why not just use a headset?
[6/6/2011 5:52:43 PM] Blair Inglis: Oh, squad voice recognition stuff
[6/6/2011 5:52:55 PM] Echo307: That’s actually the kind of Kinect support I’d like to see…
[6/6/2011 5:52:58 PM] Chris Clarke: voice recognition… on a stage???? oh noes *cringes*
[6/6/2011 5:53:16 PM] Peter Chapman: Someone in the crowd shout “BALLBAGS” and I’ll buy them a car.
[6/6/2011 5:53:35 PM] Chris Clarke: voice recgnition at 2am? my missus will go mad
[6/6/2011 5:54:00 PM] Blair Inglis: So much easier to use a stick… especially that I’m Scottish.
[6/6/2011 5:54:20 PM] Daniel Lee: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! *does a sex wee*
[6/6/2011 5:54:29 PM] Gareth Chadwick: talking to my xbox is just weird, sorry
[6/6/2011 5:54:31 PM] Echo307: I actually liked it.
[6/6/2011 5:54:38 PM] Gareth Chadwick: ok, now that was impressive
[6/6/2011 5:54:42 PM] Chris Clarke: good point… Kinect everywhere except Scotland… especially Barr66
[6/6/2011 5:54:49 PM] Blair Inglis: “aye mate just goan pick up that hing oor ther”
[6/6/2011 5:54:50 PM] Blair Inglis: WHAT
[6/6/2011 5:54:51 PM] Peter Chapman: yeah, I could live with that actually. EndWar was lovely to shout at…
[6/6/2011 5:55:06 PM] Joshua Hood: You say some lines, the game says the others, nice breaking of realism.
[6/6/2011 5:55:09 PM] Peter Chapman: Blair, learn to speak properly: problem solved ;)
[6/6/2011 5:55:11 PM] Gareth Chadwick: yeah, it was good in endwar, actually, I loved that game
[6/6/2011 5:55:33 PM] Peter Chapman: it’s an option though, nobody is going to kick you in the nuts for not using it.
[6/6/2011 5:55:46 PM] Chris Clarke: I will Peter
[6/6/2011 5:55:54 PM] Gareth Chadwick: I don’t think Kinect CAN kick you in the nuts anyway
[6/6/2011 5:55:56 PM] teflon6678: voice is better when it’s context and on the fly, not picking from 2 or 3 distinct options.
[6/6/2011 5:56:04 PM] Peter Chapman: that’s being saved for Kinect 2
[6/6/2011 5:56:04 PM] Daniel Lee: Game looks nice though
[6/6/2011 5:56:30 PM] Peter Chapman: FUCKING LOVE MASS EFFECT. *ahem* sorry.
[6/6/2011 5:56:36 PM] Blair Inglis: Still no exclusives…

Ghost Recon Future Soldier


[6/6/2011 5:57:06 PM] Gareth Chadwick: wait hold on, what is this?
[6/6/2011 5:57:13 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Is this Homefront?
[6/6/2011 5:57:24 PM] Blair Inglis: GRAW?
[6/6/2011 5:57:34 PM] Gareth Chadwick: sorry, saw the drone and thought OHGODHOMEFRONTORGASM
[6/6/2011 5:57:47 PM] Daniel Lee: Good trailer
[6/6/2011 5:58:11 PM] Chris Clarke: Someone has quadrocopter drones… everyone has quadrocopter drones… just like Helicopters last year?
[6/6/2011 5:58:58 PM] Gareth Chadwick: So instead of making core games for Kinect they’re making core games and adding slightly-above-pointless Kinect integration?
[6/6/2011 5:59:00 PM] teflon6678: quadrocopters are amazing
[6/6/2011 5:59:14 PM] Greg Aldridge: Oh good another game with 20m guns in it…
[6/6/2011 5:59:22 PM] teflon6678: It’s all it’s good for, CC
[6/6/2011 5:59:28 PM] jimbob1010: aye

*Customisable weapons are shown on screen*

[6/6/2011 5:59:29 PM] Adam Garrett: oh i quite like this actually
[6/6/2011 5:59:31 PM] Daniel Lee: haha ok i like that
[6/6/2011 5:59:31 PM] Chris Clarke: cool…. Minority Report is here
[6/6/2011 5:59:33 PM] teflon6678: It can’t replace controls, only supplement.
[6/6/2011 5:59:52 PM] Adam Garrett: this makes sense with kinect
[6/6/2011 6:00:21 PM] Greg Aldridge: Waving, it’s just like pulling the trigger.
[6/6/2011 6:00:54 PM] teflon6678: Far too wobbly control via Kinect.
[6/6/2011 6:01:01 PM] Echo307: Yeah, my arms would be sick of that in about 2 minutes.
[6/6/2011 6:01:09 PM] Chris Clarke: That’s a really cool option… remember it IS an option

Xbox Live: Youtube and Bing


[6/6/2011 6:02:01 PM] Blair Inglis: He is from Xbox Live… HE IS FROM THE INTERNET.
[6/6/2011 6:02:06 PM] Joshua Hood: Well, that’s a big announcement.
[6/6/2011 6:02:58 PM] Chris Clarke: whoop
[6/6/2011 6:03:20 PM] teflon6678: Is that Cherie Palmer? She’s totally lost it since 24… :P
[6/6/2011 6:04:16 PM] teflon6678: Wow, Youtube *rolls eyes*
[6/6/2011 6:04:37 PM] Peter Chapman: oh, LOLCATS on Xbox Live. Awesome?
[6/6/2011 6:04:42 PM] Chris Clarke: wat? Youtube? Is that new
[6/6/2011 6:04:57 PM] Joshua Hood: i’ll take this
[6/6/2011 6:05:01 PM] Greg Aldridge: Shock! MS console uses MS search!
[6/6/2011 6:05:23 PM] Chris Clarke: “xbox bing”
[6/6/2011 6:05:30 PM] Adam Garrett: Laygo
[6/6/2011 6:05:35 PM] Adam Garrett: it’s lego bitch
[6/6/2011 6:05:38 PM] Blair Inglis: LAYGO
[6/6/2011 6:05:52 PM] Chris Clarke: How does it understand her, but not Blair
[6/6/2011 6:05:52 PM] teflon6678: Is “Bing” going to be like “Smurf”?
[6/6/2011 6:05:57 PM] Peter Chapman: “Xbox Bing: My will to live”
[6/6/2011 6:05:57 PM] jimbob1010: Ah, this is pretty neat
[6/6/2011 6:06:04 PM] Joshua Hood: What, ‘laygo’?
[6/6/2011 6:06:08 PM] Joshua Hood: This is very Windows Phone
[6/6/2011 6:06:27 PM] Peter Chapman: no, not really
[6/6/2011 6:07:14 PM] Adam Garrett: “Xbox: porn”
[6/6/2011 6:07:17 PM] Adam Garrett: Find it
[6/6/2011 6:07:29 PM] Joshua Hood: haha
[6/6/2011 6:07:40 PM] Gareth Chadwick: ok, if this voice control works I’m going to fucking love it
[6/6/2011 6:07:43 PM] Echo307: I’m concerned with how vague they were about the TV stuff…
[6/6/2011 6:07:43 PM] Joshua Hood: we’ll ignore that the ps3 has both playtv, and on demand
[6/6/2011 6:07:45 PM] Adam Garrett: “Hairy Potter”
[6/6/2011 6:07:51 PM] Kris Lipscombe: That voice looks pretty cool
[6/6/2011 6:07:53 PM] Gareth Chadwick: Can’t turn it on with voice though, can I?
[6/6/2011 6:08:04 PM] Peter Chapman: “Xbox Bing: An actress who isn’t really whiney”

UFC


[6/6/2011 6:08:20 PM] Gareth Chadwick: UFC
[6/6/2011 6:08:21 PM] Gareth Chadwick: OH GOD
[6/6/2011 6:08:24 PM] Blair Inglis: EVERY NIGHT IS GAME NIGHT
[6/6/2011 6:08:45 PM] Adam Garrett: I like his suit
[6/6/2011 6:08:46 PM] Chris Clarke: UFC
[6/6/2011 6:08:47 PM] Blair Inglis: I want to punch… myself in the face.
[6/6/2011 6:09:01 PM] Gareth Chadwick: if this goes exclusive I will punch myself in the face
[6/6/2011 6:09:08 PM] Joshua Hood: Well, that sucked. Nice UI, gimmicky voice controls.
[6/6/2011 6:09:34 PM] teflon6678: Still, it’s better than needing to find a keyboard, mouse etc. etc.
[6/6/2011 6:09:45 PM] teflon6678: It has its niche
[6/6/2011 6:10:02 PM] Adam Garrett: so if you are having a party everyone has to shut up while you talk to the Xbox?
[6/6/2011 6:11:14 PM] Daniel Lee: Im so bored. This is worse than work.

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14 Comments

  1. Funny to see how our feelings about consoles colour fresh opinion. Chris and well… Kris seem far more positive. After reading everything here (and online) I’d say it was a fairly poor showing and can’t see how Kinect was well implemented in many things. Looks like devs have almost been threatened! Then again, I wasn’t over the moon with the Sony conference but that’s because I’m not going to buy a Vita. Nintendo was possibly only comprehensible whilst on Class A substances.

    • Thought it genuinely a good mix of Gears, MW3, Ghost Recon and Halo sitting alongside Disneyland & Sesame Street type stuff, not really sure how it could have been better. Although I didn’t think it was a brilliant keynote (like Sony’s was in 2009 and 2010) I just thought it did its job ok, if unspectacular. Additionally the edge was taken off their big reveals by the line-up being leaked in the morning.

  2. If ME3 is only using Kinect for voice controls surely there is no reason at all why it cant be done on PS3 via Eye or headset?

    • Headset surely wouldn’t be a problem.

      People who use PSEye voice chat during multiplayer games ruin them, so I don’t know if that would cause problems that headsets & Kinect can get around.

      • So how long before they casualy announce the PS3 version has voice control then….

      • lol

      • Depends how much money MS gave ’em.

      • What’s the new PS3 headset for?

  3. Don’t get the Disneyland game – I must have spent around 2 to 3 months of my life visiting Disney but I’d still rather travel there than play a game of it. How do you get the adrenelin rush of the rides sitting at home?

    Just glad it they didn’t announce Disney Universe as an exclusive.

    It does seem a little same old, same old with MS. Halo, Gears of War and Forza every year and now half the press conference taken up with Kinect. Where’s the wow? It’s not like they’ve had a network outage or a new console to unveil to distract them. This was MS’ chance to really come out and suprise.

    Halo wouldn’t have been a suprise even if it wasn’t leaked, Halo is there every year!

  4. I found this conference very hard to watch, like Nintendo’s conference. Reggie seems to fill in for all the cheesy actors Microsoft had almost too much. Even being a Halo fan and Xbox 360 owner, this conference had nothing I would be interested in, not even Fable which I play regularly.

    The only thing that interested me was the voice activated UI, because Windows Phone 7 has a similar system and it works incredibly well, plus the UI on WP7 is really nice too, so to see it being now used for the Xbox 360 UI is good.

  5. Glad someone picked up on Lara’s groaning in the Tomb Raider demo! I watched the MS conference live and those within earshot at the time could be forgiven for thinking I was streaming something a little more ‘adult’!!!!

  6. so funny to read………

  7. Disappinting conference from all three this year for me. Nintendo probably took it because of the WiiU, it was the only surprising thing for me this year.

    Microsoft came out bottom for me though. Kinnect was shorhorned into everything and the Kinnect only titles looks awful, Star Wars and Fable and Ryse were on rails and therefore equalled crap (harsh but true). Why Lucas Arts decided Kinnect was the best place for a Star Wars game and not Ps3+Move is beyond me. Oh wait, no its not, money.

    Shame though. MS seem to be relying on the same franchises for its core audience and its innovation comes in the casual area where its probably less needed. Halo Gears and Forza once a year dont cut it I’m afraid.

    Im worried Sony are starting to do the same.

    • On your last point do you mean relying on Uncharted, inFamous, Resistance, Ratchet & Clank, a God Of War remix (and in alternate years with relying on Killzone, LBP etc) with only one new IP shown off – Ruin, etc & etc and the only Move title shown off was the rather weak looking on-rails Medieval Moves making Kinect’s trio look not to bad and left us wishing for Sorcery

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